FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH

deathpunch

THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN AND THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOLUME 2, UNIVERSAL MUSIC

Five Finger Death Punch deliver a musical cheese sandwich, smothered with Hollywood-infused cheese gravy, with dried shit cheese sprinkled on top. Every ounce of this record is glossy, overproduced cheese metal, which sums up what I would imagine an over-hyped band from coming from LA/Las Vegas to sounding like.

Let’s begin with the lyrics. Although I did appreciate amazing rhyming schemes such as, “I can’t move on” paired with “I can’t go on,” the use of the word “Fuck” was mind-boggling. “Fuck” is a delicious temptation that, when used sparingly as an exclamation point, or in gross excess by someone like Ricky from The Trailer Park Boys, can elicit a genuine response from the audience. Ivan Moody of FFDP seems to write a normal sentence and then inject “fuck” as many times as possible to merit a badass parental advisory sticker on the album cover.

One positive about the band is they are really tight. The rhythm section and two guitar players nail every single fill and flourish. However, every song is exactly the same — save for their “House of the Rising Sun” cover, but we’ll get to that. All the verses have heavy palm muted guitars with powerful, glossy vocals that insinuate something even heavier is coming. To the sound of my shattered heart comes the same awful chors in every song. It’s trying to be somewhat epic, with cookie cutter chords stretched by synths. It’s everything that Avenged Sevenfold became in their later career except without an inkling of any technical ability.

Lastly we need to discuss FFDP’s aforementioned cover of “House of the Rising Sun.” The opening line is oh-so-cleverly changed to “There is a house in Sin City” and spirals down to whatever soft, fuzzy, pink hell is reserved for bad metal bands.

This record sucks. I’d probably like seeing the single “Wrecking Ball” live because there is something Slipknot about it, deviating from the “every song the same rule” FFDP must have implemented for this record.

By Sean Hamilton

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