BOOZE CRUISE – APRIL 2014

WHAT WOULD JESUS DRINK?

It is April and I need a reason to overindulge, so let’s say that reason is Easter. Seems a reasonable time to get together with friends and family and raise a glass. However, as it is a solemn religious holiday for some, perhaps it’s appropriate that I slow down, step back and ask myself some important questions before I begin to haphazardly imbibe. I think I need to ask myself, WWJD: What Would Jesus Drink?

AB-CITY-Booze-Cruise-Weingut-Emmerich-Knoll-Loibner-Gruner-VeltlinerI am well aware that Jesus was not likely much of a drinker, but he had to have indulged once in a while, right? You don’t turn water into wine because it’s a good party trick; you do it because you need a glass of wine with your fish and bread. Let’s see just how far I can stretch this flimsy literary device, shall we?

Weingut Emmerich Knoll Loibner Gruner Veltliner

Of course Jesus would drink this stuff. The wine has a picture of St. Urban on the label. Who is St. Urban? Well, besides being Jesus’ homeboy, he is also the patron saint of wine making. Judging by his depiction on this delicious Austrian wine, he is also the spitting image of Jesus himself. This complex wine has big minerality and wonderful fruit. It’s perfect for pairing with many types of food. If Jesus were over for Easter dinner, I would be all over him to turn the water in the tap into this stuff.

Evil Twin Even More Jesus Imperial Stout

Widely considered to be one of the best beers in the world, this Imperial Stout is chalk full of chocolaty, espresso goodness. I think that Jesus would really appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into this beer. It is surprisingly balanced and easy to drink for such a muscular style of beer. What is bigger than Jesus? Even More Jesus!

Heaven Hill Evan Williams 23-Year-Old Bourbon

I am confident that Jesus would love anything that comes from Heaven (Hill). This 23-year-old bourbon is no exception. Big wood spice dominates this old whisky and Jesus, the carpenter, was a lover of wood. It will be difficult for Jesus to afford this spirit, however, as it retails near the $400 a bottle mark. Perhaps if his influence alone is not enough to garner some of this spirit, he can borrow some dough from his earthly representatives in the Vatican. Those guys look like they are doing OK.

In closing, it is important to remember that when you are considering what Jesus would drink, you should also consider how he would drink it. So when you are enjoying any of these libations this Easter, be responsible. Moderation is important, as is cleaning the beer bong when switching brands. It’s what Jesus would do.

By Jeff Jamieson

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